Beyond "Networking": Cultivating Authentic Connections in the Unpredictable Landscape of Writing

The very word "networking" often conjures images of forced smiles and transactional exchanges, a far cry from the genuine camaraderie that fuels enduring professional relationships. In the often-unpredictable realm of writing, where success can feel as elusive as a perfectly crafted sentence, the prevailing approach to building connections is not only ineffective but potentially detrimental. This article explores a more organic and human-centered alternative, emphasizing the cultivation of "notworking"—a philosophy rooted in genuine friendship and mutual support—as the key to navigating the complexities of the literary world.

The Illusion of "Networking": A Transactional Trap

The term "networking" itself carries a negative connotation for many, evoking the archetypal overzealous salesperson, exemplified by the character Ned Ryerson in the classic film Groundhog Day. Ryerson’s relentless pursuit of a sale, devoid of genuine interest in the individual he’s targeting, mirrors the superficiality that can plague professional interactions. This sentiment extends to the writing community, where individuals may feel pressured to engage in similar superficial exchanges, seeking favors like critiques, endorsements, or introductions rather than fostering authentic connections.

While the desire for such advantages is understandable, given the undeniable correlation between a strong network and professional success, the conventional approach to "networking" often proves counterproductive. Network scientist Albert-Laszlo Barabasi, in his seminal book The Formula: The Universal Laws of Success, highlights the critical role of networks in fields where performance is difficult to quantify, such as the arts. Barabasi states, "But networks are singularly important in areas like art, where performance and quality are hard to measure. In fact, an interconnected web of relationships determines success in art to a degree that I, a network scientist, find stunning." This underscores the inherent value of connections within the literary world.

However, the distinction between a healthy, thriving "network" (a noun representing a valuable asset) and the act of "networking" (a verb often associated with a toxic, self-serving agenda) is crucial. The former represents a robust ecosystem of support, while the latter often implies a strategy of exploitation. The problem lies not in the desire to build a network, but in the methods employed to achieve it. The "Ned Ryerson way" of networking is fundamentally transactional, viewing individuals as mere stepping stones on a ladder to personal advancement. This approach breeds distrust and alienates potential allies.

The Power of "Notworking": Building Relationships on a Foundation of Friendship

The alternative proposed is "notworking," a philosophy that prioritizes genuine friendship and shared experience over calculated gain. The emphasis shifts from "networking" to cultivating a network of "friends." True friends are not individuals to be leveraged for career advancement, but companions who journey alongside one another, sharing both triumphs and struggles.

Writers’ conferences, often perceived as prime venues for traditional networking, can actually serve as fertile ground for this more authentic approach. Amidst the hundreds of attendees, the temptation to engage in superficial "networking"—sizing up everyone based on their potential immediate benefit—is strong. However, this tactic is transparent and often met with the same wariness that greets an overly persistent salesperson.

The "notworking" approach advocates for a different kind of evaluation. Instead of assessing immediate utility, writers are encouraged to seek out individuals with whom they resonate—those at a similar stage in their journey, who share a kindred spirit, and perhaps even a similar passion for a particular genre or style of writing. The key is to find someone whose presence feels natural and supportive.

A Practical Framework for "Notworking"

The process of building these authentic connections can be broken down into actionable steps:

1. Identifying Kindred Spirits:

Seek shared experiences: Look for writers who are navigating similar challenges in their careers. Are they facing plot holes, character development issues, or the daunting task of finding an agent?
Embrace resonance: Beyond professional alignment, focus on individuals with whom you connect on a personal level. This might be a shared sense of humor, a similar perspective on life, or simply a comfortable rapport.
Prioritize presence over position: Don’t be swayed by titles or perceived status. A fellow emerging writer facing the same hurdles can offer more genuine support than a highly established author who may be inaccessible or disengaged.

2. Offering Genuine Support Without Expectation:

Listen actively: When you connect with a kindred spirit, inquire about their writing journey. Be genuinely interested in their progress and their challenges.
Share your own experiences: If you’ve recently overcome a particular obstacle, offer your insights and solutions freely. The act of helping another writer solve a real problem, without any expectation of reciprocation, is the cornerstone of "notworking."
Provide empathy when solutions aren’t possible: If you’re both grappling with similar issues, offer understanding and solidarity. Sometimes, knowing you’re not alone in your struggle is a powerful form of support.
Detach from immediate reward: The "notworking" philosophy explicitly advises against considering what you might gain in return. Assume you won’t receive anything back, and let that liberate you to give freely.

3. Cultivating Long-Term Relationships:

Consistency is key: Building a robust network of friends takes time and consistent effort. Even a single genuine connection found at a conference can be a significant win, adding to both your network and theirs.
The cumulative effect: Over years of engaging in "notworking," your network will naturally expand. This organic growth fosters a supportive community that is both resilient and deeply beneficial.
The beauty of a non-toxic network: By prioritizing genuine connection over transactional advantage, you create a network that is not only large but also healthy and enjoyable to be a part of.

The Unfairness of the Literary Landscape: Navigating Success and Setbacks

The literary world, like life itself, is inherently unpredictable and often unfair. While talent and hard work are crucial, luck and external factors play a significant role in determining success. Barabasi’s research, while emphasizing the importance of networks, also acknowledges the inherent inequities in how success is distributed. A small percentage of writers achieve meteoric success, while the majority experience more modest outcomes.

This disparity can be particularly challenging when viewed through the lens of a well-developed network. As your network grows, the probability increases that someone within it will achieve significant recognition, financial success, or fame. This can lead to feelings of envy, inadequacy, or resentment, especially if the successful individual’s rise seems disproportionate to their perceived talent or effort.

Responding to the Inequities:

In the face of this inherent unfairness, two primary responses emerge:

Embrace Generosity and Cheer for Others: When a friend within your network achieves significant success, celebrate their victory wholeheartedly. Avoid the temptation to compare their achievements to your own or to question the fairness of their good fortune. True friendship means being genuinely happy for the success of others, regardless of your own circumstances.
Practice Gratitude for Your Own Journey: Focus on your own progress and the personal fulfillment your writing brings. Recognize that success is multifaceted and doesn’t solely reside in external accolades or financial rewards. Appreciate the relationships you’ve built and the lessons you’ve learned along the way.

The Bottom Line: A Journey of Connection and Resilience

The journey of a writer is not a solitary endeavor. It is a path best navigated with a strong network of authentic friends. The "notworking" philosophy offers a powerful antidote to the often-cynical world of professional connections. By prioritizing genuine human interaction, offering support without expectation, and embracing the inherent unpredictability of the literary landscape, writers can cultivate a network that is not only expansive but also deeply fulfilling.

This approach encourages a mindset of collaboration and mutual encouragement, fostering a more positive and sustainable career path. When you help your teammates, accept help gracefully, and remain resilient in the face of setbacks, you contribute to a healthier and more supportive literary ecosystem for everyone. Ultimately, the greatest success lies not only in personal achievement but also in the strength and authenticity of the relationships we build along the way.